Balance with our life…
Sometimes it is hard to find a balance in life is it not?
Among the million things we want to do, the zillion things on our to do list, and all the projects in between, how are we ever going to find a way to complete all the tasks?
I used to write list after list, task completed gets a scratch off. Gold star for me right?! Well, I used to have pretty high anxiety, being a solid type A personality. My need for things to be done correctly and perfectly was top priority. Growing up in a world where I could make things work for myself was simple. I was in charge and no one was there to lay down the carpet or hold my hand. I could only control myself and the things I wanted or needed to do. It was also pretty lonely.
Here’s the tricky part. We are never in control. Our lists help us manage our need to complete tasks for validation and worth. We have all been conditioned to be the best person we can be, and we are driven to succeed. These are great qualities indeed; however, the balance is a huge lesson I needed to learn. Guess what, I sure can do all these tasks I SET FOR MYSELF alone, but that is a lonely place to be. No person wants to be told how to do everything, or be controlled. There is no partnership in a relationship with a person so dominant the other becomes subservient. Other people have great ideas too! I just needed to allow myself to step back. I still do and I am still learning! I am learning to laugh and learning to let go. Phew, that’s huge for a type A, my goodness.
Learning compassion for myself that I don’t have to be perfect is a huge lesson for me in this life time. I AM ALLOWED TO FAIL. I am allowed to mess up. I am allowed to make mistakes. It is liberating to feel ok to say those words. In a society where we are all acknowledged on our completed goals, our rewards for success, our job well done….it is overwhelming to just be allowed to BE! Especially as a female, operating her own business, a driven career lady that I am, it is challenging to allow myself to be kind to myself. I push myself hard. I strive to be my best person.
Sometimes that means I need to take a step back and evaluate my position. Learning to slow down is a great task I constantly need to check. Feel the PAUSE.
I am a “do-er” through and through. I want to raise the best little lady in the world to become a healthy well adjusted woman. I desire to have a healthy relationship with my husband. I want to conquer this amazing world and help as many people as I can. I want to connect deeply with friends. I want to hike all the amazing places I can find, travel, run, skip and frolic across the world.
I want to find a balance to do all this, in this one life time. That sounds manageable right? Well, I also want to sleep, ha! I am exhausted being the person with all these goals and accomplishments.
So… balance, how do I find it? I had to begin with positive self talk. Sounds silly right? I had to find some peace in my heart. I needed to take a moment to think about how human I actually am. Sheesh. The need to discover what it meant to be a partner meant I needed to figure out how to help myself first. Self love is essential to create a world of support around us.
What a journey this is. I have spent years participating in women’s retreats, learning about me. Learning in hundreds of yoga classes, the dharma, the gift of life, the gift of living with me. Learning about who I am, and what I need or don’t need is a life of self discovery. Years of counseling and opening my heart to grow into who I am striving to be is a long journey. It Sounds selfish to some maybe, to focus so much attention on myself, but we cannot truly love others until we can find love for our self. Reflection, evaluation, growth begins with self. I still struggle sometimes, as I imagine many do. To find the compassion when I mess up, or when I feel the struggle to ‘feel’ the way I want to when I am in front of the mirror. To acknowledge a mistake and to not become defensive has taken me years to address. I still have to remind myself it is ok to not be right, it is ok to be wrong. I have to laugh at myself so I can get out of the pre-conditioned response. I still struggle sometimes with the criticism. Catching myself is half the battle. WE can Change our response by creating new response and adjusting the neural synapses to retrain our brain! So incredible. Seriously. It works, with practice. Lots of practice.
But guess what!? It is all ok! We can change by harnessing the ‘control’ in other ways. Harness our balance by being present with our words and actions. We can change how we think, and respond. We get the power to choose every day. We get the opportunity to live how we desire to live! We can set our intentions and learn to grow from the choices we make. How wonderful is that! I get to choose and create a life of balance. So, I started to throw things out that did not work for me anymore. I ended relationships, friendships, cleaned out my house so to speak and make time for the things I love and desire. It is a struggle sometimes, to be authentic with my choices sure, but I get to re-evaluate regularly. That is half the challenge: being present and conscious. What a gift! Learning the lessons life has for us is a glorious thing isn’t it?! It can be if we allow it. Sometimes it feels like the universe knocks on my head to say “hello!’ I am offering you this choice, take it! It sure is hard to listen sometimes.
I guess today as I share a snippet about me, I wish to remind you all that it takes effort to create a life of balance, a life to take pride of. It takes compassion to be a good person, beginning with compassion for yourself. It is hard to commit to all the goals we have desire to do in a day, a week, a month, or year. It is important to set goals, attainable ones of course. It is awesome to be able to check the task off the list. I still make lists, I just make less lists now. I would encourage you to maybe see how you address your tasks at hand, and see if there is another way to dive into the task if it no longer serves you. End relationships if they are not fruitful. Embrace those relationships that are worth the effort. Set your intentions to reach the goals you desire. Search to find some balance to allow you to be present with what ever choices you decide to make. Be compassionate and own up for the choices made. Be kind, pause, breathe, and enjoy your life!